Yesterday was the First of September. The first day of a shift into a new season, here in the Northern Hemisphere that being Autumn. Unlike many, as a rule I do not relish this time of year. I dislike the idea of the light disappearing from our days. I was a new girl at school too many times for it to ever feel other than nerve-wracking. I yearned nostalgically for those summer days of freedom as I donned new uniform and braced myself for finding my way physically and mentally in a new situation. Life seems harsher overall when the temperature drops. I feel happiest in summer clothes, my arms and legs bare.
Yesterday was however a beautiful day. The late-summer light was indeed at a mellow angle, the drone of harvesters in the background all too familiar, grounding the sense of time and place even more. I decided to take some time out and act a bit like a child. There was no-one watching me as I went up to the field and sat on the swing and swung hard for 20 minutes. I let myself breathe properly for the first time since I can remember. I bounced on the trampoline. I rode my bike fast round the lanes. I ate an ice-cream. So far so good.
Yesterday was my first day 'off' in many months. It felt good to let things go. It was helpful to feel this way. I still have a long way to travel with many personal issues which I won't go into here, but yesterday was definitely a starting point for me.
I still can't get enthusiastic about Autumn. I understand we are good at doing Autumn: it will largely obey the rules and let us indulge in all those things we do to make it enjoyable: 'the fallen leaves, jumpers and boots and drawn curtains against dark nights...' as a new Twitter friend who is a writer put so beautifully. I will accept the changing season as always, try to keep my nostalgia in check. And I will be grateful for a special first day of Autumn 2012, where the shift in the Earth brought some things together for me that I had ignored for previous seasons.